Sorry, Not Sorry.

It only took me a little over 18 months after my firstborn to finally brave the unforgiving mirror of a Victoria Secret dressing room. Of course I had looked in the mirror at home, but there is something so terrifying about that tiny room with the oversized mirror and daunting spotlight. I had been putting off bra shopping for what felt like an eternity just so I wouldn’t have to deal with that mirror and I couldn’t just order one online because I definitely needed to be fitted for a new size (kids destroy your boobs whether you breastfeed or not).

So I made my way into my own personal hell made up of mannequins wearing skivvies that would probably only look good on a super model and found the bra I wanted. Back to the fitting rooms I went. The sweetest girl showed me to my hell chamber and told me to push the button once I had the new bra on so she could come check the fit. Wait, what???? So that meant on top of looking at my disgusting post baby body that another person would have to see it as well???

Yep.

She came right in and the first words out of my mouth were and I quote “Sorry for my mom bod”. I was so mortified of someone seeing my so-called “tiger stripes” that I honestly have no clue how she even responded. After she left I just stood there staring at myself and decided not to get the bra because, well I don’t actually know why I didn’t get it I just know I didn’t.

The walk of shame out of the store commenced.

On my way home I was scrolling through Facebook (Tommy was driving, I don’t Facebook and drive) and saw the latest photo of BeyoncΓ© holding her month old twins showing her perfect stomach. PERFECT. AFTER TWINS. It made me so angry.

I wasn’t angry at BeyoncΓ© for posting an awesome picture with her new babies (you go girl)! I was angry at the media for making it seem like bouncing back like that should be normal. First off, that photo was probably so heavily edited that you have no clue what is real or not. Now don’t get me wrong, I am all for some photoshop but I don’t think that these overly photoshopped images of celebrities should be used to compare our postpartum bodies to. After having all these thoughts, I became a little angry with myself for picking every little part of my mom bod apart in that dressing room. I decided two things on that car ride home: I was going to go back and get the bra AND I was going to write this post to make a point.

I went back to get that bra and took a selfie in that damn mirror that I had dreaded so much the day before. I also wanted to prove how much of a difference a little bit of editing can make. So I sent the most unflattering picture in my entire life to an old friend to do a little editing for me. Nikki (she is the amazing photographer behind Nikki Nicole Photography and her Instagram is so perfect) took my terrible phone selfie and made a few minor tweaks and I couldn’t believe what a huge difference it made. The unedited photo is on the left and the edited photo is on the right.

So here is the point that I’m trying to make, I am done apologizing for and hating my postpartum body. I am done comparing my body to other women, no matter if they are a celebrity or just another mom on Instagram. One of the most amazing things about being a woman is our individuality. It is what makes each and every one of us beautiful. This body that I have been so embarrassed of carried my boys. It gave me the two most precious things in my ENTIRE life. Why should I be embarrassed of that? Each and every stretch mark shows the amazing transformation it went through to sustain a life inside of me. Who cares if I don’t look like all the pictures you see online and in the magazines. Every single one of us is different, some bounce back and some don’t and that’s okay. I’m not posting this to be told I am beautiful yada yada, I am posting this in hopes that it will help other women and moms realize just how beautiful they are.

Embrace your mom bod, you’ve earned it!

I would love to hear how you handled or coped with the aftermath of pregnacy and birth in the comments below!❀️

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29 thoughts on “Sorry, Not Sorry.

  1. Lisa

    Tori 😭😭😭 This is absolutely amazing.. This made your Momma cry.. I think you are so beautiful and yes I know I am biased!! I love you so much & this is something that touches my heart ❀️ Love, Mom

    Liked by 1 person

  2. mesmerizedmama

    Tiger stripes are my trophies for all that hard pushing I did during labor, all those sleepless nights and terrible mornings with nausea. But it was all worth it for the chance to hold my little guy. I’m so happy you wrote this article, thank you for saying it. Sorry not sorry

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Survivingmotherhood

    I feel ya! It took me 3 1/2 years to be “comfortable” after my first and guess what I got pregnant shortly after that comfort came back and it’s never been harder to feel pretty! I’m slowly working on it 9 months pp with baby #3 but hey girl I rock that bikini every time I wear it! I’ve come to terms with it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of me. My husband thinks I am beautiful and I need to accept the beauty in the reminders of my creating life 😍

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Lisa

    You are beautiful inside & out!!! You are a beautiful Mom, wife, sister, friend, daughter and so much more!!!
    I am loving your blogs… they are fun, true, cute & sad (that us Mom’s/women) have these feelings…. and we all do!! But the best thing is to hear someone say it out loud and it opens doors for everyone!!! Thanks & keep it up!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. stindall3

    Thank you. Thank you for every single word of this post. I needed to read this, in this moment. After bouncing right back with the first 2 at which I had at a young age, I have been beating myself up and struggling harder than I ever have to just feel ok about myself. My go to for any emotion is food.. which only makes it worse. Thank you for reminding me that it’s not about my looks. It’s about what this body created. What it did to get this way. I love this.πŸ’•

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Paulene

    Tori…….first of all, I was never pregnant long enough to get stretch marks from it. But Boy…..could I ever relate to the things you were saying. Makes no difference from what the change came from, it hits you the same way. First of all, as you may remember I lost a breast to cancer. Well try looking at yourself with one, it was horrible. The only thing worse was when 14 months later, they took the other one for cancer. I thought I was the most horrible looking freak in the world. Never ever, took my clothes off in front of anyone……but you know what….its now been 18 years since that first cancer, and I am still alive , and my body is old and wrinkled and I look horrible, but thats ok by me, life is the most precious thing we have. God has let me and my husband have almost 59 years together. So I am with you kid….be proud of those marks because it means something. I love you….keep up the good writing.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. FaithfulMommy

    I can totally relate! Earlier today I was complaining to my husband about my boobs. My daughter is 17 months and I nursed her for a year, and my right boob always produced more milk. Well now it is noticeably bigger than my left boob. Not only that but they are smaller than before and they feel empty (like after nursing). I wish they’d go back to being full and even, but I’m trying to accept them and feel comfortable with them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tori Conway

      I really is so hard to accept all the things that change with having children. I finally just had to accept the fact that I had no control over any of it. I hope you are able to feel comfortable again and remember that the reason was sooo worth it! ❀️❀️

      Like

  8. Stephanie

    Being a mom myself and having shame in my mom body after having my done was something so real for me! This blog post was amazing and so truthful!! Thank you for writing this!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Cheyenne

    Thing is – I know all of this, and I try so hard to be positive and keep reminding myself of this. BUT… the one thing that still hangs around in my mind no matter what is “she’s had several kids and you can’t even tell! But look at me. A ton of stretch marks. Weird excess fat in areas I can’t get rid of. My boobs are DONE. As if I wasn’t already insecure before a baby..” it just makes me so angry seeing someone bounce back to near perfection.. when I wanted so badly to be that way too. I compare myself to so many people and I’ve made it such a sickening habit that I don’t even realize I do it sometimes.. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without feeling like shit. God forbid another person saw me.. there’s so many things I haven’t done and I missed out on because it involved wearing a bathing suit. No matter what anyone told me, I still wouldn’t go. They could’ve told me they’d give me a ton of money to just go. But I still wouldn’t go.. don’t get me wrong, I really do love seeing someone overcome that and be happy with their body after babies. I admire that strength. Maybe I’ll get over it one day and I’ll see it differently too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tori Conway

      It doesn’t make it easier when these pictures of seemingly perfect women are in your face every time you open Facebook and Instagram. I hated my body before my babies too so this has been a long working process and I still struggle on the daily. I do hope that you are able to overcome the feeling of not being comfortable in your own skin because once you let go of all of that you will be amazed at how different you look at your self. πŸ’™πŸ’™

      Like

  10. Smother Mother Kate

    So proud of you for putting yourself out there! I think I already commented on this but I love showing my husband! Mom life is not the perfect life, but it’s the best life πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

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